you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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