ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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