pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
