please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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