I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
