i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
pray to the hookup gods
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
