I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
