Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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