its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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