well you can't waste a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
smell my finger.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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