you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
