i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
