I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
