Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
