Your face is a jimmy john
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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