Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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