Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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