She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
