Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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