the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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