The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
