It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
