I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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