All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
