i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
