So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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