i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
