The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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