Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
