I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
