I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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