so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
