dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
