Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
