jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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