The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
