whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
