and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
