So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
