Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
