I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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