he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
