All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
