I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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