Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
