My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
