i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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