I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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