he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
