i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
