I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
