It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We left an ass print on the piano.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
