Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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