Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
