Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
