I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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