we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
